Day 24: Metropolis Optometrist

 

Day 24: Metropolis Optometrist

I’m a little embarrassed to say that this is part of my song-a-day writing project for January 2024. But hey, it’s a song…

Lyrics:

I am the optometrist
And I live in Metropolis
And I contend
That this Clark Kent
Has made a fool of all of us

His famous pair of glasses
Just frames that have no lenses
And when he stares
At Miss Lane's rear
Her pants have no defenses

His X-ray eyes
Can see her thighs
And then he flies away
What does he do
In the solitude
Of his fortress, I can't say

I am the examiner
Of ocular parameters
And I can see
How he deceives
Young Jimmy Olsen's camera

No one seems suspicious
Even Perry White's oblivious
To his star reporter's
Fondness for
Miss Catherine Grant's new minidress

His X-ray eyes
Can see her thighs
And then he flies away
What does he do
In the solitude
Of his fortress, I can't say

Mister Luther, I need your aid
For my solution to end his charade
I know his secret, I know I'm right
Please help me give him rims
Of green kryptonite

The Daily Planet's healthcare plan
Will be the end of Superman
And once addressed
His vision test
Will surely be his last exam

I am the Optometrist
Eye doctor of Metropolis
I will protect all of us
I am the Optometrist

***

Details: This is a convoluted one. I challenged a friend of mine to paint a picture to the same prompt I was going to write a song to. The prompt was "Hide in Plain Sight" and was from the Fearless Songwriting challenge from a couple weeks ago, but I didn't use it at the time. So that was the theme I was working with tonight.

Earlier in the day I heard a version of "One More Day" from Les Miserables, and I thought about doing some sort of theatrical song a la stage musicals. I don't generally like stage musicals, though I can appreciate the artistry behind them. But that got me thinking about this compilation of Disney songs reinterpreted by popular performers, specifically Tom Waits' version of "Heigh Ho (the Dwarf's Marching Song)" which then reminded me of his original song "Singapore", which totally influenced the rhythm of my song. I was going to try to sing it like Tom Waits, but damn, that's screws up my voice pretty quickly.

On top of all that, I went to the Ophthalmologist today for a long overdue eye exam. It was a topic that jived with the "Hidden in Plain Sight" theme. I went with Optometrist over Ophthalmologist because I thought it was more musical. Then once I got going, the Clark Kent reference just popped out and I was thinking "Well, of course an optometrist would notice that Clark Kent's glasses are fake". And then I made him suspicious that Superman is pervy about using his X-ray vision.

*sigh*

Anyway, that's how it happened...